EN WHY YOU.

this is the email my dad sent me to let me know I had been accepted to NYU:

Congratulations!

Student ID # N19044920
Speech-Language Pathology
665 Broadway, 9 Floor
New York, NY 10003-6860
(212-998-5230)

Complete and return the enclosed Deposit Form with $200 within 3 weeks of the date of this letter.

Love
Dady


haha. needless to say, I called him and made him read the letter to me. twice.

:D

cogs was freezing this morning.

im sick of being a slave to messy relationships, cluttered thoughts, hopeless self-sufficiency.

my mind is wasted on things that i cannot change, my strength exhausted in fighting for things that i cannot fight for, and my heart is consumed by things that barely deserve a second thought.

it's one thing to care fervently about something because God cares about it, its another to care about it because you think He doesn't.

i believe that this God, the creator of all that is, the one who saved Israel, i believe that he cares. it is in this hope that i put to death all things that glorify my earthly well-being. after all, i make for quite a hideous idol.

broken-hearted poetry.

This past sunday, after having my heart pulled out of my chest and thrown mercilessly to the floor by someone who shall not be named, I found the strength to express the heartache in words while pam and tuttle laughed sadistically in the background.

My heart

Once whole

No more

Brokenness

Shattered

Icy cold

Slip and fall

Broken hip

High medical bill

Insurance expires

Ambulance flat tire

Traffic

Speeding ticket

Criminal in waiting room

Busted wheelchair

Doctor is first year med student

Doctor also does not speak English

Bedsheets are dirty

Bad food

Stomach poisoning

Pain unending

Anesthetic does not work

Syringe very long

Blackout in hospital

Stub my toe

Band-aid shortage (recession)

Limp.

This concludes the poem. Please contact me if you were so moved that you wish to publish this work of art.

"write a blog!" - Tuttle

Guten Tag! It's me again, sitting two seats away from Christina, who just whispered to me "Be nice!". We are in Psycotherapy and listening to various anecdotes from our professor from his clinical experience. Christina is twirling her pen and just starting to actually take notes in her notebook. Sitting in front of her is Gary, who I think is doodling. Behind us is Tony, who is listening intently (or so it appears). Next to me is Rebecca, who is reading what I write. It's a party class. What makes it more of a party class is the presence of just about every Psych major I've ever met, including most of the ICD.

Christina is enjoying her spring semester. After pulling off a 4.0 last semester (yes, Christina got a 4.0 the semester she took 476R), Christina has decided to take the semester nice and easy. Except for Bio 118, which she has already expressed indifference (or hatred) for. She's also in the middle of applying to grad schools, or she already has and is waiting for their responses.

To my chagrin and/or joy, Christina has started spending more of her time in Digman. While it is fun, she has earned herself a new nickname based on our interactions: "Christina the Kind" (it's a misnomer). Christina has been absolutely great to me, seizing every opportunity she can to put me down or discourage me. Let me tell you, she has some talent.

Why do I still spend time with her, you may ask?

It's cause I know, deep down she loves me. I don't know if you remember that episode of Rugrats, in the earlier seasons, when Chuckie is being teased by the older girl at the playground. After about 10 minutes worth of teasing, harassing, etc. they announce their love for each other and spend the rest of the segment frolicking through the park and whispering sweet nothings to each other. (I felt it would unfair of me to leave out the part where she betrays Chuckie in the episode and moves on to another guy)..

That's sort of like where Christina and I are right now. She's teasing me, putting me down, making me feel like a horrible human being... but sooner or later I just KNOW she's going to write me a love poem and post it on my door, leave me a voicemail confession, or maybe get my name tattooed on her body somewhere. (I would make a sweet lower back tattoo, btw.)

She's so going to delete this. I keep looking over at her to see if she's glaring at me or something, but she hasn't been following this. Thank goodness. I may live for a few more hours, but sadly she knows where I live/sleep. Goodbye, friends.

a few things i've learned today...

we do not send our garbage into space.

i should not wear my ghetto sneakers out in this weather. I can feel the cold cement floor through the bottom of those shoes.

if you are running through the blistering cold with melissa chiu telling her that you are freezing to no end, she will run along side you and continuously scream "NO PLOBLEM!!!" over and over again until she is convinced that she has made the cold go away.

elmers glue is messy. ive always known this i think.

if i stay up for another hour and 15 minutes, my dad's alarm for work will ring and he will be upset that i am still awake.

for theo.

because you asked nicely theo, i'll attempt to keep you entertained on your ride home from work.

binghamton has been okay, senior year has felt kind of weird. at first it bothered me because i didnt like how things were going and i didnt like how i didnt feel like it was my last year and how things werent really turning out to be the way things should your last year of college. but then i thought about how there really arent standards of how any year should look and the more caught up i was getting in how "things should be" the more useless and irrelevant i became. 

 this semester has been by far the most draining in terms of school work. i'm taking the hardest class of my major and supervising at ICD and i actually like it a lot even though i spent most of my time complaining about it. i had a presentation last week that i am really glad is done with because it's been weighing on my mind for almost the past two years. ever since i first stepped foot in ICD all we hear is the other students who were taking this class freaking out about their tests and assignments, and semester after semester the anxiety just builds. it honestly hasnt been too bad though. the work seems impossible sometimes, but i think its more just to push you to the absolute limits and it ends up being a mind game more than anything else. 

i am applying to grad schools for speech-language pathology. i really should work on those applications. i keep putting them off thinking that there will be a better time to do them, but i'm starting to get the sense that i'm stalling rather than waiting out of an attempt to manage my time well. i love working with kids who have autism and i love when they find ways to communicate. if i could do this for a living, i would consider myself severely blessed.

i capitalize letters sometimes when i write, and sometimes i dont. i dont really think about it much it just happens. this is probably annoying for some people to read. hopefully you dont care.

my cousin is visiting and no, she is not available, and even if she were i wouldnt let you near her so i hope that answers any questions you may have here.

i will come visit you during winter break and you need to remind me to bring paint cuz i probably will forget.

i miss kenya a lot but it makes me more sad if I think about it because so much has changed there since I left and I have no idea how to feel about it. I hear stories from my friends who are still there about how the people we were working with were really corrupt and how people i were really close to were lying to us the whole time.  theres been reports of financial mismanagement and child abuse and rape and other really crazy stuff that blows my mind.  i miss my kids and i dont know how theyre doing because the orphanage is under investigation and theyve pulled out all the people they had in there. i dont know what to believe and so I guess i've just been shutting out any of those thoughts.  its taken a while to process but i did get to talk to someone while at was expedition and its been really helpful in trying to work things out. i want to go back sometime soon (like within the next year or so). wanna come?

on a happier note though, i've been enjoying the end of this semester more than i thought i would. i mean, things could be better with some people and certain situations but I have been extremely blessed this semester with good friendships and so I am hopeful that things will work out okay. 

random things: 

the freshmen are really awesome and people have been playing ball a lot this semester! 

i want the new macbook but this laptop still works fine.

wes thinks i have really bad taste in movies so he's making me to watch "good" movies.

i love living in dickinson.

i've been trying to drink more water because i realized that i really don't drink any water at all. i never really have and thats probably bad for me. its been going okay, i had three bottles on saturday and one bottle yesterday. none yet today.

okay i'm in class right now and i think im doing a horrible job pretending to taking notes. hopefully this is enough to last you for a while. i dont even know how youre going to read this. do you have wifi on your bus or something? that would be pretty sweet. after this, you better let me open up a therapeutic palace at P2P.  ttyl.

ahhhhhh or aghhhhh.

i havent done any schoolwork in the past three days. 

it feels amazing.

celeste is here visiting! which is nice because it's like having a bit of home at school. but then it reminds of how crazy home is and then i miss being home even more. 4 more days!